Skamyshiming – what is it and how to deal with it.
In the Russian language there is no accurate translation of the word “sending”. In English, this means – ashamed of vulgar behavior (Slut is a woman of easy behavior, to shame – disgrace). This is an insult to a person for his appearance and behavior, which vary with personal ideas about the framework of decency.
Most often, women undergo sending. It is more difficult for them to protect themselves, and in society there are many conflicting attitudes for behavior. For example, you can not dress too frankly, while you cannot look like a “gray mouse”.
Criticists use the fact that this is not regulated by law. And often they hide behind good intentions to instruct the true path. But he is faithful only by their inner beliefs. All condemnation is based on personal ideas, what to consider defiant. If you answer the offender and indicate that it is inappropriate and does not concern him, he is actively trying to resist and increases the degree of insults.
Bright example: condemnation on the road of a girl driving an expensive foreign car. Offective expressions are an attempt to calm your wounded ego. After all, she could, but the critic could not. So, she definitely did this not stubborn work, but took advantage of her body.
They are trying to fight this phenomenon in the United States. In California, for such behavior they can be deprived of freedom for six months, or to impose a fine of $ 1,000. Unfortunately, most often the Skamers do not receive punishment.
Theory of the emergence of the phenomenon
There are at least 5 theories that explain the sending from different sides.
Previously, when a man slept with many women and left offspring behind, the girls did not go to look for a new partner, but raised children. This led to the fact that in society the cheeky behavior of men became normal, and the female “licentiousness” became wrong.
The physical difference between men and women influenced the attitude to the correct behavior of the sexes. Women are supposed to be humble, tender and cute, and to men conquerors and miners.
The struggle of men for elusive power
In the modern world, the ideas of gender equality are actively advanced. According to it, a woman has the same rights to manifest sexual interest as a man. And the loss of power scares, so the sending the sending becomes a “weapon” in an attempt to maintain a monopoly on sex.
Women’s struggle for influence
Women limit the desires of men to get sex, making it obscene and taboo. And girls who prefer not to do this cause anger and aggression in those who use this way.
In study or at work, if a girl manifests herself better than any man, sending a sending – this is a way to put her “in place”. They believe, she has no right to take their positions and privileges.
Who is subjected to sending
Anyone can become a victim both ordinary inconspicuous people and stars of cinema, politics. Even if you behave correctly, there is a risk of stumbling and get a lot of insults in your direction. It is impossible to dispose of your freedom, appearance, desires, not having received condemnation from others. You can become a girl of easy behavior even for refusing a relationship: “Once she did not give a specific man, then she gave another.”.
Men can also become victims if they relate to sexual minorities or do not look like a stereotypical typical man. They can be shamed for trying to intercede for the victim.
No matter how paradoxical it sounds, the moralists are ready to close their eyes if they are satisfied with sexuality. For example, a woman erotically advertises some kind of product or dances striptease (sexual objectification) – such actions are approved by them. But at the same time annoying liberated behavior in ordinary life.
What is bad Skamyming?
Behind simple verbal insults are punishment and humiliation in relation to the victim. Skiyatiming justifies the obsolete patriarchal foundations and does not allow to shake frankly ancient norms.
According to psychologists, this form of insult is often behind depressive disorders and suicidal attempts by many girls and women. After all, it suppresses self -expression, drives into a very narrow framework, and does not allow you to breathe and live as you want.
Skamyming is also used as a way to justify the rapist. If a man raped a woman, defenders immediately appear who begin to pull out any compromising facts. Too frank photo, the presence of sexual partners, drinking alcoholic beverages – become a terrible weapon. The vector of attention shifts from the criminal to the victim. From women, the condemnation of the victims is a way to calm themselves: they are not like that, so this will never happen to them. And from the side of the man – an attempt to justify his behavior. They may not rape, but allows sebaceous comments on any pretty, in their opinion, girl, whistle and slap. Even Stalking (the persecution of an object of unhealthy love and dependence) is justified by the fact that the victim is too frankly and vulgarly behaves.
Skiyshiming does not allow the laws on persecution and domestic violence to appear. They don’t follow good girls, do not beat, and those who follow are bad and it is important to punish them.
Theoretically, you can stop reacting and not noticing insults addressed to you. But, like all rumors, they can spoil the reputation, lead to loss of work and to severe mental disorders.
How to deal with sending?
Society changes every day, and one day, according to researchers, this phenomenon may disappear forever. But while it exists in our realities, you need to look for a way to cope with this.
With any manifestation of sending, it should be understood that this is only a fear of a moralist before a new reality. And this is not at all the problem of the accused. He is not responsible for the feelings of other people.
How can you change the future? Do not condemn your friends, nieces, daughters and sisters for bright, in your opinion, makeup or overly open clothes. And men should teach respect for any girl and their perception as a person. If someone condemns the girl, you need to point out the inappropriateness of such a statement and support the victim of the sending. Do not join the crowd of lincinators in the comments under the post about the next actress, who supposedly allows herself too much.
It is important to perceive the body as art and beauty, and not as something taboo. Each person has the right to self -expression and sexuality, regardless of their appearance, gender and orientation.